witness

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witness

 From Clyde:

 

you are how i know

i can give life

make the world better

more beautiful than it was

 

i can give life

another chance

more beautiful than it was

you are evidence

 

another chance

when i thought i was inadequate

you are evidence

that i am more

 

when i thought i wasn’t enough

you showed up to teach me

that i am more

than i ever dreamed

 

you showed up to teach me

to make a world     better

than i ever dreamed

you are how i know

From Alexis:

 

recognize

i hold onto your finger

you hold everything

i know who you are

 

i hold onto your finger

look directly into your eyes

i know who you are

you are me

 

look directly into my eyes

and spell become

you are me

and you can never leave

 

and spell become

the language that we speak

and you can never leave

my eyes

 

my eyes

recognize

the language that we speak

holds everything

What would I give to hold onto my father’s hand and and look into his eyes? These poems, and this whole part of the series layers words onto the wordless connection of care, holding, communing beyond syntax or the logic of language. I would prefer a tangible physical connection, I would prefer an unspoken gaze to any of these words. And so when I read them over, am I crying because the resonate, or I am I crying because they will never be enough? I don’t know yet. What I do know is that I too am moving towards wordlessness. One day (the song says “and it won’t be long” but I hope that it is a long time away) I too will exist in the wordless. The unspeakable beyond. And so will you. Maybe this practice is my way of honoring that while I deeply miss and long for an embodied connection with my Dad, who he is, who I am, who we are was always more than and beyond these bodies. And remains. More than. And beyond.

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P.S. My every day writing practice shapes my days into vessels for generations of love. If you want support with your own daily creative practice, I’d love to be part of your journey. This is the Stardust and Salt Daily Creative Practice Intensive.

Alexis Pauline Gumbs