forever and fri-day — Alexis Pauline Gumbs

i know

one day

i will

have to

one day

put you

have to

let you

put you

down

let you

go

down

when i

go

leave

when i

know

leave

i will

have to

but

until

then

here is my heart

open to you

and lettered

read it

here is my face

your own

brown window

know it

here are my hands

holding you

safe and strong

believe it

here is my home

breathing

salted warm

eternal

here is my love

forever and fri-day

wear it on your chest

My father was born on a Friday. And so now, every Friday I write to him. I write what happened in the week. I write about whatever I’ve finally realized that I never got to tell him. I write asking for help. I write asking forgiveness. I write I miss you I love you. Every Friday. It wasn’t until recently though that I noticed that in these two pictures that my mother took of my father and I on my first trip to Anguilla I am wearing a bib that says “Fri-day.” Knowing my mother, the fact that I am wearing a bib that says Friday is as good as an almanac. It must have been Friday. In this poem is my father saying that he knows he will have to let me go, or am I saying that to him? It must be both. For me, now, Fridays are a day out of time. I can feel it when I wake up, somehow it takes longer to get into my body, feet touching the floor. I wonder as I walk around in the dark lighting candles if I am still dreaming. I am often already on the mat meditating before I even realize that it is Friday. Forever and Friday. When we say we love each other for forever and a day, we must mean this. We love with a love beyond time moving forward. We love with a love that allows us to go back and be together. We love each other with a love beyond consciousness and breathing. We love with a love beyond what bodies do, hold, be. We love to the full capacity of infinity. And then beyond that. That’s what I mean. I learn what infinity means by loving you.

P.S. My every day writing practice shapes my days into vessels for generations of love. If you want support with your own daily creative practice, I’d love to be part of your journey. This is the Stardust and Salt Daily Creative Practice Intensive.