in the air

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or “did you ever pet a care bear?”

i fit in the chair with you

you read a book

i won’t remember

about stare and care

 

you read a book

about core strength

about stare and care

the light we beam

 

about core strength

not of muscle but

the light we beam

when we dare to say

 

our hearts are not muscles

what really we mean

when we dare to say

i love you

 

what we really mean

now i remember

i love you

 

sit here with you

in the air

It has taken me until right now to realize what the Care Bears were teaching me this whole time. My heart is not a muscle. Of course the blood pumping valve, central metronome of my breathing is a muscle. But the heart, like how we mean heart, transfer center of love is not a muscle. It’s an opening. And openness is a form of strength. In fact, that is my daily prayer. To be strong enough to open my heart to you. Again. To beam rainbows of love upon you like the care bears do. Today I can say what I must have known all along, the power of the care bears, beaming love out of their chests, is not an act of force. It is an act of vulnerability. How open do I have to be that love can flow through with the power to heal, with the power to transform someone who really thinks they are my enemy into an ally? Who among us has so much faith that in the face of attack they open their chest? Seriously. Who does that? Which may be why until today I was afraid to say what I know. What all of us who have survived the death of loved one must know. My heart was never a muscle. It was always a hole. A passageway, variously constricted or open. Where love flows through, or at least leaks out. All around it are muscles, practices, stents. And it is not what I paint on my chest that matters. But what comes through. Lionheart, you got here right on time to teach me what all this strength is for. Not to close and fortify. Not to clothe in armor. But to surrender this great portal of my heart. Each day to let even more love come through. In the photo we are staring at the care bears. But from here I keep staring at you.

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P.S. My every day writing practice shapes my days into vessels for generations of love. If you want support with your own daily creative practice, I’d love to be part of your journey. This is the Stardust and Salt Daily Creative Practice Intensive.

Alexis Pauline Gumbs